In America we eat man semen.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
