Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
