Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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