He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
