I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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