Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
