dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
