I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ok first of all what the fuck
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
