My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
