there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
