So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
