there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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