He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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