when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
