did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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