You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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