Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
