i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
