My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
