and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
