So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
