i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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