no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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