I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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