This is not my ceiling
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
