hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
