I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
