Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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