i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
