Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
