I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
