Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
