Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
