I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
