it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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