The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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