At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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