another moral hangover. fuck.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
