y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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