I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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