If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
