Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My hand turned me down
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
