Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
