It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
