How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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