I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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