im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
