I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
