I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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