i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
